Stealing Your Ex Back When They're Dating Someone Else
Nothing's more painful than going through a break up and then watching your ex start dating someone else. If your girlfriend (or boyfriend) started another relationship before you got the chance to fix your breakup, there are some very specific techniques you can use to win your ex back.
Getting an ex back from someone else might not be easy, but you've already got a couple of things going for you. This guide will teach you how to use those assets to accomplish your end goal, which is to make your ex want you back. You can use your past history of good times together, or even your extensive knowledge of your ex-lover as a person to work your way back into the head and heart of the person who broke up with you.
Whether you're looking to get back an ex boyfriend or you're trying to win back your ex girlfriend, the information found below will get you started on the path to getting back together!
The First Step... Allowing Your Ex's Rebound Relationship To Happen
Believe it or not (and as much as you hate it), your best first move is not to make a move at all... you must allow your ex's rebound relationship to play itself out.
As tough as it might be, one of the first things you'll need to do is let your exgirlfriend or boyfriend's new relationship run its initial course. Chances are your ex is in a rebound relationship, especially if they got together with this new person just after breaking up with you. These types of romances don't last long, although this might be little consolation to you right now. As gut-wrenching as it is, right now the best course of action is to take no action at all.
If possible, try not to acknowledge your ex's new relationship. Make yourself scarce, and allow your ex to wonder where you are. One of the first things that goes through his (or her) mind after starting a new relationship is how you're going to handle this information once it reaches you. Your ex will want to see that it bothers you, not because they're trying to torture you but because this shows them that you loved them in the first place. It justifies their need to be wanted, and it also puts them in the driver's seat. By not doing anything or showing any reaction at all, you're denying your ex the ability to read you. This is good, because it gives them time to wonder exactly what's going on in your own life.
While this is all happening, try to keep busy by occupying yourself with other things. Finish up that project, spend some time with friends or family... get out of the house and do things to keep your mind off the fact that your ex is with someone else. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you're going to get him or her back again, but try to understand that now's not the time to work toward that goal. Keep your head up, and ride out these first few painful weeks.
Accept Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend's New Relationship
Accepting your breakup, and accepting your ex's new relationship, are two key parts of getting back together. There's a lot of letting go that must happen before you can begin to get your ex back.
Once you've disappeared from your ex's radar, there will come a time when they begin looking around for you again. This won't come until the honeymoon portion of your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend's rebound relationship has ended, so it may take a few weeks. But once it does, your ex is going to look for some sort of contact with you again. When this happens, you'll need to let them know that you fully accept the fact that they're dating someone new.
In fact, you're going to be happy for your ex. Why? Because it's exactly what they don't want. Your ex wants to see you miserable and upset that you can't have them.
Seeing this justifies their decision to break up and let's them know you truly cared. But by not showing these emotions? You're effectively making your ex question her motives for ending the relationship. Maybe you loved her a little less than she thought you did. Maybe you didn't even need her at all.
All of a sudden your ex will be confused. How could you walk away from the break up unscathed? How could it be so easy for you to see her with another person? Getting back together with your ex when she's dating someone else involves putting her in a state of mind where she needs you more than you need her. By being so accepting of her new situation, you've actually just taken a big step toward getting your ex back.
Remember the golden rule: your ex will ignore you until you've accepted his or her new relationship. Up until that point, they'll see you as a threat to their new happiness.
Start Working on Every Single Aspect of Yourself
Your ex won't take you back until you're giving them something they'd WANT back. Working on yourself improves every aspect of your post-breakup positioning, and gives you the best shot at dating your boyfriend or girlfriend again in the future.
As your ex continues his or her new relationship, it's time to get yourself in shape for a comeback. Everyone could use some improvement, you included. If you're not already a member of a gym, join one. Or even take up a sport like running, jogging, or swimming. Get outside, get tan, and build yourself up to a healthy new lifestyle. Who knows, you might even make some new friends in the process!
Exercise is the cure for many of life's ailments, and it couldn't be more true of a break up. Not only does it get your mind off your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend's new relationship, it also puts you in position to be more desirable once you're ready for the next step in the process of getting your ex back. Pick up some new clothes; you'll look good and feel better.
Attraction is always a key factor in any relationship, and just after a breakup is a great time to improve yourself. With every step of the treadmill, try to think about the beginning of your old relationship. What made your ex love you? What traits made you attractive to her? Are you still exhibiting those same behaviors, or did something change along the way?
Take stock of yourself here, and make a good inventory. Getting your ex back is one thing... but keeping him or her happy is another. Unlocking the secrets to why you broke up in the first place could be the key to re-establishing a long-term relationship once you and your ex get back together.
Reconnecting With Your Ex Again
When the time is right, it's time to re-establish contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. You'll need to do this in a friendly manner, in order to win his trust. Email actually works well here, and there are several methods you can use to reconnect with an ex that you haven't spoken to for a while. There are also ways to make your ex contact you, which is even better.
He's still dating someone new, and he's going to be initially guarded against the possibility that you might be out to sabotage his relationship. It's extremely important you don't let him think this way, so you must be careful here.
First of all, you cannot say anything bad about his new girlfriend. No matter how terrible she is or how much you hate her, anything derogatory you say will immediately put your ex on the defensive. He'll realize what you're trying to do and he won't trust you in the future. During any future contact the two of you might have, he may even avoid talking about her altogether.
You don't want this. What you want is to establish a neutral trust with your ex. If you can become a neutral sounding board for his thoughts and ideas, he's going to eventually confide in you. After all, you know him very well. He's trusted and loved you in the past, and probably on some level still does. If you provide a friendly, neutral forum for him to vent... he'll eventually open up. And he'll open up BIG.
You'll start hearing about his new relationship, which is probably not so new anymore. You'll get information about his likes, dislikes, and outright problems he may be having with his new girl. Nod your head and just listen. Tuck this information away for later use. When the time is right you'll use it, and the more you talk to your ex the better you'll get at knowing when this time comes.
Once You've Connected, Take a Small Step Back
Don't go too fast... taking a few steps back will get your ex to start chasing you, strengthening your approach in the long run.
If you approach things from the right angle, you'll eventually become your exgirlfriend or boyfriend's "go to" person. They'll call you up or contact you whenever something important happens to them, or whenever they want an opinion on something.
Here's where you do something really sneaky: you take yourself away. Not fully, but just a little bit. Just enough to make your ex nervous, and maybe even a little bit jealous too.
Having your own life is one big advantage you'll have over your ex. Since they're dating someone else, they won't have the total freedom that you do. Here's where you give them a little scare, making them think you're moving on with your life. Don't answer the next phone call, or return the next message. Don't answer the next few emails, either.
If you do all this, you know what will happen? Your ex will suddenly think you met someone else, and they'll be worried that you're going to suddenly ditch this new friendship they've established with you.
You won't do this of course, but it's always good to shake things up. Making your ex miss you is one of the keys to getting him or her back. They're not going to leave the comfort of their current relationship unless they feel dangerously close to losing you for good. That's the only thing that will make them consider coming back to you... and you need to use it from time to time.
Remember: People always want what they can't have. Use that important aspect of human nature to help you get your ex back. Learning how to push on these emotional hot buttons may help speed up the process, as well.
Undermining Your Ex's Current Relationship To Get Them Back
Okay, so you've established friendship. You've built trust. Maybe you even conjured a little dependency from your ex again. All of this is good stuff. Now it's time to use these things to do a little damage to the status of your exgirlfriend or boyfriend's current relationship.
That said email is a good way to carry on a post-breakup friendship while waiting out the rebound portion of your ex's new relationship.
As nice as it is to be talking to your former lover again, never lose sight of your ultimate goal: winning your ex back. You're not here to make friends. The next time your ex complains about her boyfriend, agree with her a little more strongly. Pull out the ammunition you stored from earlier conversations, and fire off a few rounds of your own. Don't mount an all-out attack... but do encourage your ex whenever she's making one herself. Getting her to the point where she's more comfortable talking to you than she is talking to him? That's big.
By now you're probably communicating with your ex through email, and that's good. It means that she's talked about so much that she can't make a phone call. Maybe her boyfriend is even on to you. So much the better. Let him try to control her: it'll only serve to push her away. She sees you as a friend (at least for now), and she's going to defend you as such. So either she'll fight for her right to talk to her "friend" (which will lead to some really big fights with her new boyfriend) or she'll go completely underground with your newfound friendship. Either way, you win. There are cracks in the armor of her new romance, and you're exploiting them one by one.
Hey, all's fair in love and war.
Meeting Your Ex Again For The First Time
There are many ways to set up a meeting with your ex again. It needs to be done carefully, at the right time, and under the right pretenses. There are usually signs that your ex is ready to see you again, so it's your job to know what they are and to act upon them when these signals do show up.
You should suggest a neutral spot here, somewhere casual and innocent like a cafe or coffee shop. Your first meeting should be short, light, and very non-serious. It doesn't have to consist entirely of small talk, but the conversation shouldn't get too deep either. You want to make your ex comfortable, because you'll probably both be nervous. It's important here that all goes well. Seeing each other again should be fun, happy, and hopefully will stir up a few old memories as well.
If everything goes correctly, one or both of you will suggest doing it again. Becoming comfortable with each other is a vital part of reconnecting on a potentially romantic level. At each successive meeting things will go that much smoother, and your conversations should get progressively more intense. Let your ex do most of the talking, and continue to be a good listener.
The first meeting between you and your ex is extremely important... make sure it goes right.
Using Your Past History To Your Advantage
Time to break out one of your biggest assets: your past history together. As you become more connected, it's time to casually begin mentioning the past. Stay away from the subject of the break up, and don't talk about anything that might've led to disagreement in the past.
Instead, bring up a place the two of you once went where you had a really great time. Tell your ex you went there recently, or passed by there, or whatever. Odds are she'll have a very positive and favorable reaction as she remembers the two of you going there. She might even bring it up. Smile, and agree with her that it was an awesome date. If things are going extremely well, joke that you should both go there next time instead of the place you're currently sitting in. Read her reaction to that suggestion - if she's into it, you're definitely on track to winning your ex back.
Your past history is the one advantage you have that your ex's new partner does not. You went places and did things that your ex's new boyfriend or girlfriend has not. The emotional bonds formed by sharing these memories is a big part of why your ex still has feelings for you, and you need to play upon these emotions if you want to get your ex back.
Your ex remembers lots of good times the two of you had together. Use them.
The Friend Zone... it's like the Twilight Zone, only much, much scarier.
By the third or fourth meeting with your ex, things should start progressing in more romantic directions. Watch your ex-lover's body language for signs of flirting, close-talking, or casual (and not-so-casual) touching. If you're seeing these signs, great. Your ex is ready for one of you to make a move. If not, you're in danger of something pretty horrible: The Friend Zone.
Getting sucked into the Friend Zone is like being drawn into a black hole from which no relationship can ever evolve. Escaping from it is like swimming out of a whirlpool. It's important to recognize the signs that your ex just wants to be friends with you... so you can immediately steer things in a different direction.
If you're a guy, you need to take charge of the situation. You need to learn important information vital to getting you back into her life as a boyfriend, and not just as a friend.
If you're a girl, falling into the Friend Zone is even worse. You need to completely revise your approach by learning which traits your ex sees as girlfriend-material.
You also need to learn how to avoid becoming nothing more than friends with benefits. Getting your boyfriend back is the simple part; the harder part is how to make him never want to leave you again.
The best approach to handling post-breakup friendship? What to do when your ex wants to be friends.
How To Turn Friendship Back Into Romance Again
Making the transition from friends to lovers... it can only happen once you've accomplished all the earlier steps and opening moves of getting back with your ex.
When the time is right, you'll need to move in and plant one on your ex. That first kiss should be passionate, electric, and filled with many weeks' worth of pent-up emotions. Maybe the kiss will turn into more than just kissing, and maybe it won't. The important thing is that your ex is feeling connected to you again in a romantic way.
Don't push your ex too hard by professing love and talking about your future together. Maybe your ex is ready to break up with his or her current flame and move back into a relationship with you... but then again, be prepared for the possibility that they're not. It could take some time before your ex feels ready to break up with his or her current partner. You need to give them that time, or they're going to feel rushed.
As said before, stealing your ex back from someone else requires lots of patience and time. You've fought long and hard for this moment - don't blow it in the final moments by trying to close too quickly. Give your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend time to explore their feelings, here. There's no use in getting someone back if they don't want to be with you again just yet.
Remember: making your ex need you is one of the fundamental ways of keeping them once you get him or her back. Learn which simple techniques can put you right back in your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's head again, regardless of how long it's been since you've talked to them.
Building a New Future With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Getting back together is only half the battle. Staying together is the important part.
Once you've accomplished winning your ex back, nothing in the world's going to feel as good. As you dance around in total happiness however, try to remember one thing: keeping your ex happy in your relationship is even more important. Otherwise, you may end up broken up and right back where you started again.
The two of you will eventually need to discuss your break up, and resolve whatever issues may have caused it. After that, putting it behind you is the only way you can move forward. Love should be fun, not a lot of work. Make promises to each other that you'll put happiness and mutual respect way before petty fights and arguments. Sometimes it's best to forget the little things and pick your battles. Moving forward as a team is the best way to build a strong bond that will keep you and your boyfriend or girlfriend together for a long time.
For those stuck on any one step in this guide, don't worry! There are lots of great resources that can help you along on your path to getting back with your ex. The best approaches involve radical tips and tricks geared soley toward getting your ex to call you.
In the end, succeeding in getting back together depends upon YOU. It's a combination of being proactive about your breakup, and learning all you can. Knowledge is power - especially when it comes to reversing a breakup. Good luck!