Taking Away Your Ex's Safety Net - Back With Ex Tips & Tricks
When someone breaks up with you, there are a number of obstacles to overcome before you can get back together. Getting past these obstacles is one thing. Identifying them is quite another.
One of the first things to realize after your breakup occurs is that it's not totally over. Not yet, anyway. Because until your ex finally severs whatever emotional ties they still have to you, they can still be drawn back toward the relationship based upon their own needs and wants.
What happens next is simple: your ex pushes you away. They do this to avoid conflict, avoid indecision, and to avoid having to think about their feelings toward you. This is why your ex boyfriend or girlfriend might shun contact, refuse your calls, and not answer your emails or text-messages right away. It's because they're avoiding the breakup entirely rather than processing their feelings.
Yet at the same time, something else happens. In the back of your ex's mind, there's a little nagging voice of doubt. It's this doubt that causes your ex to think hard and think twice about breaking up with you, and whether or not it was a good idea. Silencing this voice becomes a new priority for your ex - even when they haven't heard from you at all.
So what does your ex do to keep from being upset about the breakup? They create a sort of safety net in their mind. Your ex takes all of the attention you give them after the breakup and couples it with any contact you've been trying to make. The combination leads to one thing: your boyfriend or girlfriend knows they can get you back... and probably any time they want, too.
This becomes a safety net - one that your ex never really plans on using, but one they're happy to have anyway. Your ex can now move forward cleanly and confidently with the breakup, knowing in the back of their mind that they can still get you back if they ever decided to do so.
Removing Your Ex's Breakup Safety Net - Why It's So Important
Think about your favorite pet. If you lost that pet, you'd struggle day and night to get it back. But right now, you're not trying to get your pet back at all. Why? Because you already have it.
The same sort of thing happens with a potentially lost relationship. Your ex may have just cut you loose, but her or she isn't struggling at all to put your broken relationship back together. Why? Because in their mind, they still have it. You're still in love with them, and therefore they have you in the palm of their hand. There's no big hurry to take you back, because they've already got you.
So while your ex feels this safety net is in place? He or she has no big incentive to undo the breakup. In fact they're not pressured to do anything at all, which is why your boyfriend or girlfriend can cruise on through their new single life. They already feel way too comfortable with how things are.
And the more you contact your ex, press them for reconciliation, beg, plead, or reason with them to reverse the breakup? The longer they'll feel totally comfortable. And the longer your ex will continue NOT wanting or needing you back in the slightest bit.
To sum it up: you can't get your ex back until their safety net is gone.
More simply, your ex needs to fear losing you before they'll even start to consider getting back together again. Until there's actually the danger of you losing interest, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend never really has to face the reality of their breakup.
How To Make Your Ex Miss and Think About You After the Breakup
Getting your ex to think about you is one of the biggest tricks to reversing any breakup. Because once you can turn their thoughts back in your direction, you can get your ex to focus on the good parts of your past relationship.
This leads to the rehashing of your best memories and your greatest times together as a couple. Your ex still cherishes these times, even after the breakup. There are several emotional triggers you can use to get your boyfriend or girlfriend thinking this way again, and learning when to use them can accelerate the whole process of getting back together.
First though, you need to let your ex know that YOU are doing your own thing. As much as you'd think he or she wouldn't care at this point, your ex still has a very vested interest in how you handle the breakup, and what you do immediately afterward. The second you start walking in the opposite direction is the very same second your ex gets uncomfortable. It's the beginning of the end for your ex's safety net, and also the first major steps on the road to getting your relationship back.
How To Tell Your Ex That You've Accepted The Breakup
Removing that safety net requires letting your ex know he or she now stands alone. You do this by making sure they realize you're no longer chasing them, and by convincing them in no uncertain terms that you're going to start doing your own thing.
If you're still in touch with your ex, now's the perfect time to break that contact. Texting, emailing, calling you on the phone... no matter what type of contact it is, your ex is relying on this small level of communication to keep themselves convinced you're not going anywhere. They're stringing you along, but they're also using you to make themselves feel comfortable and secure during the breakup. As long as this is going on, you can't get your ex back.
At this point, you need to tell your ex that you're finished. Keep it simple, and don't get into any long-winded conversations:
"You're right about breaking up. It's time we both do our own thing,
so this is it for us. No hard feelings, and I wish you luck."
In telling your ex he or she is right, they can't even fight or argue with you. And in using the word both, your ex immediately understands that you're not going to sit around waiting for them. In fact, you seem almost eager to get out of the relationship and on with your single life, which is going to be VERY disconcerting to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
And in the case where you have no contact or communication with your ex since the breakup? You can accomplish the same thing with a short, handwritten letter. Make it no more than three or four sentences, and send it through the regular mail. Don't use email, and for crying out loud, don't use text-message. Your letter should look something like:
"Hey, what's up? Look, I just wanted to say you were right. I didn't see that
at first, but it's probably best of we both moved on and did our own thing.
Best of luck to you, and take care"
In this case, you're telling your ex that he or she is right, but without really saying what they're right about. This could easily prompt your ex to call you, at which point ignoring them is your best response. After sending this letter you'll want to go into a period of complete and total no-contact, and this means not answering any of your ex's emails, phone calls, or text-messages. Any attempt to reach out to you needs to be met with dismal failure, at least for a few weeks.
When this is accomplished, you've just yanked the rug out from under your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Any comfort or security they might've derived from thinking they could still get you back is now gone. Their safety net has been cut away, and they're on their own. Your ex is now forced to ask hard questions about the breakup. They have to decide whether they're serious enough to to continue the separation, which now runs the risk of actually losing you for good.
Best Opening Moves After Your Ex Breaks Up With You
Taking away your ex's breakup safety net is a great way to get started on making them want you again. Still, it's only one step on the long road to getting back together with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
For some more great opening moves, you'll need to check out The Magic of Making Up.
In the past half-decade, this one guidebook by author T.W. Jackson has become the single-handed Bible of relationship repair.
Receiving worldwide acclaim, Magic takes you step by step through the process of breaking up and making up. It shows you how to take immediate action through instant reversal techniques vital to putting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back in your arms again.
Learn how to reconnect instantly with your ex - even if you're currently being ignored - and get them paying attention to you again. Also learn T-Dub's infamous mind control technique geared toward making your ex see you as they did in the beginning of your relationship, when your love was at its strongest.
No matter how far along your breakup might be, or how hopeless you might think the situation has become, T.W. Jackson's instantly downloadable breakup repair guide gives you tips, tricks, advice, and full-blown examples on what you can start doing TODAY to get back on track with your broken relationship.