Getting Back With Your Ex Step 2: Counter Rejection Techniques
I want you to think back to the moment your ex boyfriend or girlfriend first rejected you.
Try to remember how you felt, what you did, and what initial thoughts went through your mind when you first realized your relationship was coming to an end.
If you're like most people, you instantly wanted your ex back. The breakup hadn't even finished yet, but you were already working feverishly to think of ways you could keep your boyfriend or girlfriend from leaving you.
Think this was because you love them so much? Partially, sure. But it's also because they rejected you... and as it turns out, rejection is one of the biggest ways to spark renewed interest.
If you don't believe me, think about the days and weeks leading up to that moment you ex broke up with you. Were you crazy in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Treasuring every single second you had with them?
Or were you taking the relationship a little bit for granted, because at the moment, you didn't forsee the possibility of losing it?
It's human nature to want the things we can't have A LOT more than the things we already do. Even if you had a relationship that seemed to be going well, you never wanted that relationship as badly as you did when you finally stood to lose it.
Right now however, your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend seems like the whole world to you. Before the breakup life was pretty normal, but now that you can't have this person any longer it suddenly seems like everything's a shattered wreck, and you'd do anything to put things back to how they were.
The good news is that you can use this knowledge to your advantage. Because rejection isn't just a one-way street... it's something you can make your ex feel as well, even if they're the one who initiated the breakup in the first place.
What Should You Say To Your Ex During and After the Breakup
If resisting the breakup is what your boyfriend or girlfriend expects you to do, the best course of action is going in the opposite direction. You want to surprise your ex, shock them, and put them completely at a disadvantage by reacting in a whole different way than they'd already rehearsed in their mind.
So instead of trying to talk your ex out of the breakup, you say something like:
"Yeah, you're right. Breaking up is probably a good idea. It really hasn't
been working out between us, and I think we should go out separate
ways before things go from bad to worse."
I guarantee your ex's jaw will drop if you were to approach the breakup in this way. Instead of breaking up with you, it's almost like you're breaking up with them.
This is counter-rejection, and your ex will NOT like the taste of it. It's the polar opposite of how they envisioned the breakup would go, and it shatters the confidence your boyfriend or girlfriend built up in his or her own mind when they first decided to break up with you.
What just happened? Did I do something wrong?
How long has my partner felt this way?
Those are the thoughts spinning around your boyfriend or girlfriend's head when you're not fighting the break up but actually agreeing to it. Your lover will want to know WHY you feel this way, and whether or not it was the result of something they did (or didn't do) during the course of your relationship.
Instead of still wanting to continue the relationship, you're now totally dismissing your boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead of emotionally depending on them, you've happily cut them loose.
Is there someone else involved here? Have I missed something?
Again, your ex's mind will immediately think the worst possible thoughts when you've employed these counter-rejection techniques. They'll wonder if you're so agreeable to the breakup simply because you want someone else, have another person in mind, or have maybe even been seeing someone on the side without them even realizing it.
Walking away from your breakup - cleanly and immediately - is the single strongest move you can make during your quest to get back with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Pulling this off will leave your ex confused and uncertain; the confidence your boyfriend or girlfriend had in deciding to break up with you is immediately compromised when you both accept and agree with the ending of the relationship.
Remember: your ex is going through a breakup too. He or she wants to think they made the right move in dumping you, and that they'd be better off without you.
By NOT fighting the breakup? It forces them to think that maybe they need you more than you need them.
This is a terrifying idea, and it's also why your ex would much rather see you upset, crying, desperate, or even angry about the breakup. Seeing you totally okay and even embracing your new single life? That's simply NOT what your ex wants.
Never underestimate the power and control you gain back by simply walking totally away after an unwanted breakup. This one simple action maintains 100% of the respect your ex has for you, and it puts you in the driver's seat when it comes to making that first contact later on.
Seizing back control is the prerequisite for any successful reconciliation. You absolutely cannot act from a position of disadvantage, and you can't make any moves until you've given your ex a taste of what their life would be like without you in it.
How Counter-Rejection Actually Makes Your Ex Want You Back
One of the greatest advantages your ex boyfriend or girlfriend probably has right now is that they were the one who broke up with YOU. The relationship ended with a clear winner and a loser, and unfortunately that loser turned out to be you.
In this scenario, your ex knows that he or she has the power to get you back whenever (and if ever) they want to. This gives them confidence and security, and allows them to live out their single life completely risk-free. After all, if they ever decided that breaking up with you was a mistake? You're only a simple phone call away.
By rejecting your ex, you take that scenario completely away from them. Suddenly they're not sure they can still get you back at all. Without warning you've yanked that safety net out from under them, causing your boyfriend or girlfriend to fly blind while they really consider losing you for good.
This is when your ex has to actually think about whether or not they'll willing to take the chance of never seeing you again. Instead of sitting around waiting for them, it looks like you're ready to do your own thing. You'r sending the message that you're not going to be around forever... something your ex doesn't really take into consideration while they still think you'd do just about anything to get them back.
Additionally, by counter-rejecting the relationship? Your ex also has to wonder what you see as wrong. Once your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks you're unhappy, they'll wrack their brain trying to figure out why. You're not even trying to save the romance, so whatever it is must be pretty important.
Things You Can Do When Your Breakup Has Already Happened
Chances are pretty good that by now, your breakup has already happened. Your ex already broke up with you, and you're probably feeling powerless and alone.
Even so, there are still some awesome ways to counter-reject your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It doesn't matter if the breakup occurred days, weeks, or even months ago... there are all kinds of moves you can make to seize back that all-important relationship control.
The important part is that you can't let your ex know you're sweating the breakup. Telling them you love them, need them, can't be without them... this only strengthens your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's position, as well as prolonging the breakup or even making your separation permanent.
Instead, you need to give off an entirely different vibe. Your ex needs to see you as aloof, care-free, nonchalant, and almost relieved that the relationship is over. THIS will make your girlfriend or boyfriend immediately question their initial decision, and will eventually lead to your ex wanting you back.
Once you've shaken your ex's confidence and confused them as to why you're not pursuing them, it's time to kick things into higher gear.
It's time for Step 3: How Detachment and Withdrawal Will Make Your Ex Chase You