Taking Back Power - Regaining The Control You Had Over Your Ex
Control. There was a time when you had it, and a time when you didn't think twice about how you talked to or dealt with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Back then you were on equal footing, and your relationship reflected that balance of power.
When you had control, you took it for granted. You didn't worry about what you said or did, because the two of you had equal say in everything pertaining to your romance.
But then you got dumped. And immediately, the balance of power shifted into your ex's favor.
Suddenly, everything your ex said or did seemed strong and very important. Everything you did seemed weak and questionable.
As you sensed your relationship slipping away - and your ex losing interest - you began feeling very distant, and left in the dust. You felt alone, and soon you felt powerless. This is where you scrambled; this is where you started throwing yourself at your ex's mercy while trying to prevent them from breaking up with you.
And every time you called your ex? You lost power. Every time you texted them, or left a rambling message, or drove out to see them in an effort to get them back... every time you did any of these things you chipped away at the power and control you once had over your relationship. And what's worse, you also chipped away at your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's level of respect.
From there, getting back with your ex has been a total uphill climb. Why?
Because you've given away all the control.
Effectively, you've let your ex know that he or she is holding all the cards. You showed your hand, and it was definitely weaker. At that moment, your ex knew right away they had you beat. They knew that no matter what they said or did you'd still be chasing them, running after them both physically and emotionally, and trying to get them back.
Reversing The Momentum of Your Breakup - Stopping The Backslide
The biggest problem most people have after a breakup is that they just can't help themselves. They fall into a series of bad moves and wrong ideologies... they act without thinking, and they're too quick to make kneejerk reactions when it comes to getting their ex back.
In short, they move too fast. And they also move without thinking.
Repairing a broken relationship isn't something you can do straight away. If it were that easy, everyone would get back together immediately after breaking up. What needs to be done first however, is a lot of groundwork and preparation. If you go diving right into trying to get your ex back, you'll find very quickly that you just can't swim.
Acting From a Position of Power and Control
This is not to say you should sit back and do nothing at all after your ex breaks up with you. On the contrary, even when you're laying low during the no contact phase there are still methods and techniques you can use to make your ex miss and need you again. Learning these moves is an important step in accelerating the reconciliation process, and you'd be crazy to skip over them.
That said, the one thing to remember is this: you want to ALWAYS act from a position of power.
The more action you take from a position of weakness, the more damage you'll do to your breakup situation. But if you can gain back some semblance of power and control? Not only will your ex start to listen to you again, but he or she will begin realizing that some of the cards are now held by you.
To regain that power, you need your ex to see you completely differently than he or she does right now. They need to see you as a potential partner and future boyfriend or girlfriend again, and not just as someone they cut loose. Your ex will also need to see you as an equal... something that can't happen while you're kissing ass, apologizing, or promising them the world if they take you back.
Getting Back Into The Control Mindset - Seeing The Reverse Perspective
Think back to the moment your relationship ended. Try to remember what went through your head, and what kind of emotional reactions you had when you realized you were being dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you're like most people you were shocked, then saddened. But this didn't last long. Because what probably happened next is that instinct took over. You'd just been rejected, and your natural human reaction was to immediately fight against that rejection by trying to counter it.
Without realizing it, your now ex boyfriend or girlfriend became ALL-important. They went from your equal lover and partner to place much, much higher than you.
Here's where you put your ex on a pedestal. You became fixated on doing whatever was necessary to get them back, and this meant regaining their love, attention, and anything else you could do to put things back to "the way they were before". It didn't even matter what that way was, all you knew right then is that you needed it.
But think about it: exactly which part of the relationship were you trying to save? The day you were dumped started out like any other day... you woke up taking your boyfriend or girlfriend totally for granted. Did you love them? Yes. But you certainly didn't cherish or need them nearly as much as you did a few hours later when you actually realized that you stood to lose them.
Understanding this is a key point when it comes to getting your ex back. Your boyfriend or girlfriend has always been important to you, but their value absolutely skyrocketed once you could no longer have them. Rejection breeds longing. Always.
Regaining Control Of Yourself To Seize Back Power Over The Relationship
So what can you do to take back control after a breakup? For starters, you need to change your whole opinion of yourself.
As of right now, stop seeing yourself as helplessly lost. Stop seeing the situation as hopelessly out of reach. The deeper you fall into this mindeset, the more you're changing the core of your character into something your ex won't even want back, much less need to date again.
Visualize yourself as strong, independent, and secure. You have drive and potential. You're enthusiastic and confident. Making these adjustments will quickly change the way people see you, including your ex.
Next, stop looking at your breakup as if your ex is in total control over everything that happens, and you can do nothing but shuffle along hoping for table scraps.
It shouldn't matter that your girlfriend or boyfriend initiated the breakup; you CAN still change things and you WILL. There are simple adjustments you can make that will undermine your ex's own confidence, and make them realize they're not really holding all the cards. You strengthen your own hand by making them doubt the one they have.
Last but not least, you have to stop seeing yourself as rejected. This is crucial to getting your ex to want you back, because essentially, no one wants to date a loser. In other words, feeling sorry for yourself won't gain you any pity. In fact, it'll cheapen your ex's overall opinion of you.
Try to understand that your breakup is not the huge tremendous monster you've made it out to be. Everyone goes through something like this at one time or another, and it just happens to be your turn.
No matter what caused your separation, you're just two people who had a falling out and a difference of opinion. At one time you were very much in love and totally on the same wavelength. Going back to the way it was is only a matter of reversing your current situation and making your ex see things - and you - the way he or she used to see them.
Back With Ex Counter-Rejection Methods
By far, the best way to handle the rejection associated with being dumped is to force your boyfriend or girlfriend to experience some of those same types of feelings. This is one of the things you CAN do right away, and the sooner you can apply these techniques the faster your ex will start seeing you on more solid ground.
Make sure you read up on counter-rejecting your ex, and how it can jumpstart getting them back.