Get Back With Your Ex Step 5: When to Contact Your Ex
If there's one question people ask most while trying to fix a breakup, it's always the same:
"When is it okay to contact my ex?"
The answer is fairly tricky and depends upon a certain number of factors. Even so, there are still some definitive and universal rules when it comes to making first contact with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who has already broken up with you.
You never want to push your ex, or contact them too soon. This is a rookie mistake, and will always prolong your breakup by pushing your boyfriend or girlfriend in the opposite direction.
At the same time, you also don't want to wait too long. Sit around and do nothing forever, and you can miss the window of opportunity for reconciliation (or even worse, your ex could start dating someone else).
Sometime right around the five or six week mark (meaning five to six weeks after the breakup), contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend should be made. And ideally, when that happens it will be your ex calling to talk to YOU... rather than the other way around.
There's a huge advantage to be gained by getting your ex to make first contact. It puts you in a position of control, and it also places your ex boyfriend or girlfriend at a distinct disadvantage.
Are they missing you? Calling to tell you they've reconsidered? Possibly. But they could also be calling for something as simple and innocent as wanting to give you your stuff back, or finding something that belonged to you that you'd left at their house.
The only thing? It's not nearly that innocent.
No, because when an ex boyfriend or girlfriend actually reaches out to you? It's because they're having second thoughts. They're trying to get back in touch so they can gauge your reaction, and to find out if you're still single or have perhaps moved on.
Remember: the no-contact rule works because you've made your ex feel uncomfortable. By not calling, texting, or emailing them, you've put them at a complete loss. They fill the void in their life with bad thoughts of you going out and meeting or seeing someone else, and eventually your ex contacts you because he or she needs to justify those fears in their own mind.
There are some very unique and fast working techniques that will get your ex to call you after an unwanted breakup. For guys, click here. For girls trying to get an ex boyfriend back, check this out.
Remember, learning how to apply these techniques is important. They'll show how you can reverse the momentum of the entire breakup by having your ex come crawling back to YOU.
What To Say To Your Ex When Calling or Contacting Them
The right timing is a critical part of getting your ex back. But just as important? Knowing what to say when you do get back in touch with them again.
Communication after the breakup will always be strained, especially since you haven't spoken to each other in a while. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend might be wary of everything you say, and will probably try to read into such contact to determine your motives. This is why you need to choose your words carefully, and not approach your ex too quickly, or from the wrong angle.
You need to be cool and casual. Calm and collected. Talk too quickly and your ex will sense your nervousness. You'll also stammer, stutter, or forget what you're in the middle of talking about.
If it helps, try to also remember that your ex is nervous as well. There's no big hurry here, so when you finally do start talking again try to slow things down so you don't come off as desperate or rushed. The more casual you are, the more your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will feel comfortable as well. Treat the conversation in the same way you'd talk to this person while you were still dating them, and you'll do just fine.
Reasons For Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
If you'll be the one making that first contact, you'll also need a reason for calling. You can't just pick up the phone and wing it; unless you want things to go badly, you need to have some sort of a strategy or plan before dialing an exboyfriend or exgirlfriend.
One good reason for calling is to congratulate your ex. If they got promoted at work, received an award, graduated from school, or otherwise did something noteworthy while you were broken up, it's okay to make such a call. Try to call as close as possible to the day the event happens, and tell your ex you're proud of their accomplishment.
Obviously, you can only call for things you know about, or are public knowledge. You don't want you ex to think you're keeping tabs on them, or otherwise stalking them.
Another good excuse to reinitiate contact is on your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's birthday. Unless your breakup just happened, there's no reason not to call your ex and wish them a happy birthday. Tell them you couldn't in good conscience let the day go by without at least letting them know you recognized their day, and wish them a happy one.
In either case, one thing's vitally important: while talking to your ex for the first time since they broke up with you, and that is to keep things short and sweet.
You never want to prolong the phone call to the point where it gets awkward, or you start running out of things to talk about. You also don't want to start any forced or unnatural conversations.
First contact is an opportunity to plant a seed. Instead of catching up on things between the two of you, it's better to leave a lot left unsaid. You want to get off the phone in less than three or four minutes, maximum. Doing this will leave your ex wanting more, because he or she will feel as if they didn't get the chance to really ask you anything.
Your end goal is to eventually see your ex again face to face. So while it's important you reconnect by phone, and eventually by other electronic means (email for one), it's also important you leave enough out to make your ex need to see or hear from you again. Too much information all at once is no good.
Tips & Advice For Speaking to Your Ex Again After The Breakup
There are some general guidelines you need to follow during first contact. The more of these you adhere to, the better the conversation with your ex will go:
Be Genuinely Happy: You should be glad to be talking to your ex again, and it's okay to tell them it's good to hear from them. Don't be overly excited to the point where it's fake, but being naturally cheerful will get your ex wondering why things are going so well for you, even after being dumped.
Don't Tell Your Ex You Miss Them: It's all too tempting to let these words slip from your mouth during the first conversation with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Yes, I know you miss them. But at the same time, telling them so is only going to put them immediately on the defensive.
Let Your Ex Do The Talking: Want the conversation to go well? Let you ex do most of the talking. This will most likely be small talk, but an ex who does most of the talking will be lulled into feeling more comfortable in speaking to you again.
Don't Interrogate: As soon as you make the call, your ex will be wondering what your motives are. Ask them how work is going, how their friends and family are... that stuff is all okay. But the minute you ask your ex who they've been hanging out with is the same minute they start thinking you're prying for too much info.
Don't Mention Your Past: Talking about your past relationship will immediately put your ex on edge, even if you're just trying to be nostalgic. The first phone call is NOT the time for rehashing your romance, so steer clear of mentioning it at all.
Avoid Talking About The Breakup: If there's one topic that's strictly off-limits it's the subject of your breakup. Bring this up, and the blame game will follow. Your ex might feel immediately put on the defensive, and doesn't want to have to explain the breakup to you yet again.
Remember, the less you say the better. Save the bigger conversations for the reunion date, which is when you and your ex will actually get to talk face to face.
What To Do When You're Having Trouble Contacting Your Ex
If you're having problems getting in touch with your ex, or still don't know what to say? Don't worry, because this is all-too common. Sometimes making proper contact can be difficult, especially if it's been a while since the two of you have communicated.
Some of the best help available when it comes to knowing exactly what to say to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend comes from a man named Cucan Pemo.
His popular guidebook, Bring Back a Lost Love, has literally helped hundreds of thousands of couples rekindle their romance under even the most severe of breakup circumstances.
Pemo has spent years traveling the world giving relationship repair seminars on his patented 4-Step Strategy to getting back with a lost love. Whether it be your boyfriend or girlfriend, your husband or wife, this instantly downloadable relationship repair guide is a step-by-step playbook to guide you along the exact path of getting your ex back.
Check dozens of glowing testimonals from those who've tried and successfully gotten back together using Cucan Pemo's amazing ex-lover back system. Read their stories, and be inspired by the fact that these people were able to quickly turn things around.
Alright, let's get to an all important Step 6: What To Say To Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
