Getting Your Ex Back Step 1: Best Opening Moves
Getting dumped... yeah, it really sucks. For anyone going through an unwanted breakup, the only thing in the world that really matters is getting back together with the person you still love.
If you're here right now, it's because you haven't yet given up hope. You're still looking for ways to stop your breakup, reverse the process, and get back together with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
The good news is that it can certainly be done.
The bad news? It needs to be done correctly, or you could inadvertantly (and permanently) screw up the chances of ever getting your ex back.
Understand that all breakups are reversible at one time or another. Whether or not you can win your ex back depends upon what you do, when you do it, and exactly how you react to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend after the breakup.
Also important? Being proactive. You can't get your ex back by sitting there, doing nothing, and hoping that things magically work themselves out.
In short, knowledge is power. The more you know, the better your shot at putting your ex back in your arms again. This is why it's so crucial to have a step by step plan, one that outlines exactly how to make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend WANT you back.
In the end, fixing your broken relationship is only half the battle. You want to get back with your ex and keep them this time. It makes little sense to break up and make up, over and over again, all because you're both committing the same basic mistakes that forced you apart in the first place.
These next few pages will teach you the step by step process of getting your ex back. You'll learn what to do, how to take action, and precisely what to say to your ex that will make them want you again.
Additionally, you'll find some gender-specific resources geared specifically to help both guys (trying to get a girlfriend back), and girls (attempting to win back an ex boyfriend). Make sure you check these out by reading more about them on our breakup resource review page.
Now... let's get started! Your ex isn't going to be around forever.
How to Handle Your Breakup Without Losing Respect or Control
Before making a single move, you need to understand the mechanics behind the average breakup. This will teach you what your ex is feeling at the moment, as well as how to handle and process the emotions that you're going through right now.
A breakup is the basest form of rejection. When your boyfriend or girlfriend announced they no longer wanted to see you, your immediate reaction was to fight them on it.
So you went to battle. You plead your case. You listed a whole bunch of reasons why the two of you should stay together, and why your ex was wrong about wanting to end things.
As time went by you probably felt your ex slipping away. No matter what you said or did, it seemed like your lover had already made up their mind. Worst of all, it was if they've made the decision to break up with you long ago, when you weren't even around. And to be honest, that's exactly how it happened.
Fighting the breakup (or fighting to "keep the relationship"... whatever you want to call it) is the simplest and most common reaction to being dumped. Everybody does it, because the natural response to being rejected is to fight the rejection. Few people ever stop to think about why they're resisting, or whether they truly even want the relationship anymore to begin with.
More importantly, your boyfriend or girlfriend is prepared for exactly this type of response. They know you'll be hurt and upset. They know you'll try to talk them out of the breakup. And knowing all this, they've already prepared an exit strategy or counter-argument to stop you from changing their mind.
Fighting the breakup never works. You can't make someone stay with you when they truly want to leave, and you can't change a mind that's already been made up. This is why you need to adapt a more counter-intuitive approach to getting back with your ex. In short, you have to let them GO.
You Don't Want to Save Your Relationship... You Want to Build a New One
Ever lock yourself out of your house? What did you do? Did you keep trying the same doorknob over and over again, or did you walk around and try the back door? Come in through the basement? Pull on a few windows, to see if they were open?
Getting back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is a lot like the above analogy. Keep trying to force your way back in, and you'll never get anywhere. But look for other ways around your ex's defenses, and you eventually can slip back into their life from a much different angle.
For this reason, you need to initially let go. You have to agree with, accept, and even embrace the idea of breaking up. Moreover, you need to let your ex know that you feel this way.
Allowing your breakup to happen with the least amount of resistance possible is the only true way to maintain position, control, and most important of all, your ex's RESPECT. Keeping that respect will make it much easier later on, when you start applying instant reconnection techniques that will help get your ex girlfriend or boyfriend back.
How To Avoid The Biggest Breakup Mistakes Most People Make
Reversing any breakup is possible, up until you make too many mistakes. In trying to get back together with the person you love, it's often way too easy to do things that are lame, desperate, and entirely uncharacteristic of the person you once were (and actually still are).
For example: crying, begging, pleading to get your ex back... these things are more than just pitiful, they're absolute poison to any possible future you might have together. These are things you never thought you'd do, but in an effort to make the pain of the breakup go away you may have already resorted to one of more of these more desperate measures.
Allow your ex see to you like this and it's something they'll never forget. From that point on they'll always have memories of you being weak, vulnerable, and pitifully throwing yourself at their mercy. Nobody wants that. Worst of all, nobody wants to date that.
You can't stay with someone you don't even respect. This goes for guys and girls; nobody wants a partner who's willing to lay down for them and do anything they want, any time they want it.
This is another mistake people make: promising 'to change', or that 'things will be different', or even to 'do anything' to get an ex to take them back. This never works, and only destroys every last shred of respect your ex boyfriend or girlfriend might still have for you.
Tackling Your Breakup with a Clear Mind and a Level-Headed Approach
By far, one of the best things you can do to help get your ex back is to stay calm, cool, and focused. Right now it's easy to let your emotions get the best of you, and if you allow your broken heart to rule your future actions you're going to really mess things up for any possibility of reconciliation.
Remember the one golden rule: things are NOT NEARLY as bad as they seem. When you're missing your boyfriend or girlfriend, minutes can seem like days. Hours can seem like months. And getting your ex back might seem like an impossible dream right now, even though it may have only been a few days or weeks since the breakup occurred.
You need to slow down in your approach, so you can make rational decisions. This includes putting down those car keys and thinking things through before you speed off to confront (or stalk) your ex boyfriend or girlfriend at his or her home, school, or office.
Putting Yourself in the 'Get Back With My Ex' Mindset
In the end, remember what your final goal is. You want your boyfriend or girlfriend to take you back, and that won't ever happen until you can make your ex WANT you again.
This means you need to be confident. You need to have charisma. You need to demonstrate positivity, control, and a little bit of that swagger you had when you first hooked up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Remember, when your ex met you for the first time they were impressed with what they saw. If they look at you now however, what would they see? A crying, desperate, miserable shell of the person you used to be to them? Because if that's the case, you need to immediately change some things.
There are certain adjustments you need to make if you want to stop your breakup in its tracks and reverse the way your ex feels about you. Learn these powerful re-attraction techniques necessary to making your ex see you in a whole different light.
Alright, enough prep-work. You want to know what to say to your ex, how to approach contacting them, and what methods are best for winning them back. Right?
So let's move on to Step 2: Counter-Rejection Methods That Will Shake Your Ex's Confidence