Calling Your Ex - How Long Should You Go No Contact?
They say that timing is everything. And when it comes to getting back with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who dumped you, they're absolutely right.
By now you should already know that cutting all contact is the only way to get your ex to truly miss you. It's not until you've completely taken yourself out of your ex's life that he or she starts missing and needing you back again.
This is known as the NO-CONTACT phase, and it's one of the most difficult times of your entire breakup. During these crucial weeks you'll miss your ex tremendously, and you'll be tempted to call, email, or text them so they don't forget all about you.
But what if you pull it off? What if you actually can go no-contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, by leaving them totally alone. What's next? When do you call them?
Knowing the perfect time to get back in touch with an ex can make or break your entire reconciliation. You can't move too soon, or you'll spook your ex and scare them away. At the same time you obviously can't wait forever, or you run the risk of your ex 'getting over' the relationship, or even worse, start dating somebody else in the meantime.
Of course, you'll eventually need to reconnect with your ex in order to move forward with getting them back. But in order to do that, you'll need to get the timing of your breakup - and of your ex's desire to see you again - down to a science.
- Immediately after the breakup, you should have ceased all contact with your ex. This begins the no-contact phase, where you'll avoid emailing, texting, speaking to, or any other form of communication between you and your former boyfriend or girlfriend.
- One week after the breakup, you should already be focusing on yourself. This includes making the mental, emotional, and physical adjustments necessary to getting your ex back.
- Two to three weeks after the breakup, you should be demonstrating total independence. Here's where you'll apply the principals and techniques necessary to make your ex jealous.
- Four to five weeks after breaking up, you should be confident, secure, and moving forward. Your ex and his or her friends should have the impression of you being 'over' the breakup entirely.
- On the fifth or sixth week post-breakup, you'll re-open the lines of communication with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend using these techniques. By now however, there's a good chance your ex has called you already.
Waiting over a month before talking to your ex again may seem a bit extreme, but this is a necessary amount of time that needs to go by. It's also very likely that your ex will contact you way before the month is out, especially if you've been strict about keeping up with the no-contact rule.
Calling Your Ex at a Point Where They Miss You Most
Getting your ex to miss you should be top priority after a breakup, and the only way to do that is to go away. And not just go away for a few days, but go away for a while.
Most boyfriends or girlfriends who dump you are still looking to keep you in their lives in some way. Either they offer to be friends, or they still keep in touch through Facebook, emailing, texting, or whatever. Sometimes they'll steer clear of contact but will watch you from afar through friends, co-workers or family.
The point here is this: by ripping yourself away totally, you're preventing your ex boyfriend or girlfriend from letting you go gradually. In their ideal world, this is what they want; to break up with you but still keep their options open by knowing where you are, what you're doing, and who you're doing it with. And by knowing and seeing these things? They miss you a lot less than if you disappeared entirely.
Dropping completely out of sight leaves your ex feeling hollow and empty. A big part of their life was just torn away, leaving a void where you used to be. And when they try to fill that void with contact or communication? By NOT engaging them or accepting their calls or messages, you're letting the finality of the breakup sink in.
In short, your ex will be a lot less comfortable in letting you go when they don't know where you went. And as each week without contact passes by? Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's curiosity - as well their worry over finally losing you - will increase.
Your goal should be simple: by the time the lines of communication get reopened, your girlfriend or boyfriend should by just about dying to talk to you. This is the best time to call your ex, because he or she isn't suspecting so much. Unlike the first few days and weeks after dumping you, your ex will be a lot more open and receptive to receiving such a call.
Picking The Right Time To Reach Out to Your Ex Again
When it comes to calling or contacting your ex, the right time of day is also an important factor. Way too many people just pick up the phone and dial their ex boyfriend or girlfriend... only to have the call go horrendously wrong because they made such a call at the wrong time.
For example, never call your ex when he or she could be hanging out with friends. They're more likely to button up their true emotions - or even show off - in front their friends. Any conversation you have will be rushed, and your ex won't be able to speak very freely.
Calling while your ex is at work is another bad move. You're not likely to have any kind of meaningful conversation with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend having to look over their shoulder to see if the boss is coming.
Try to avoid calling in the mornings as well. This is when most people are doing too many things at once; eating, showering, and getting ready for the day. You'll be rushed off the phone quickly and might feel rejected even when you're not.
The best time to contact an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is always in the evening, preferably after dinner, when things are winding down. This is when your ex has the most time to talk to you, and it's also when he or she is likely to be missing you most. In the winter months, darkness is also your friend. Calling at night when your ex is lonely or retrospective is always better than calling during the day.
What To Say To Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend When You Call
Perhaps most important of all, you'll also need to know what to say when you finally do get back in touch with your ex. It's not like you can just pick up the phone and wing it, unless you're willing to accept some very bad results.
Remember: you might be nervous, but your ex is probably just as nervous as you. He or she hasn't talked to you in quite some time, and they've been wondering all about you. Because of this, your ex has a lot of questions. This is a good thing too, because it allows them to do most of the talking.
Above all else, call with confidence. Know what you're going to say, and know how you're going to react to the things your ex boyfriend or girlfriend might tell you. There will be certain topics to be avoided (i.e. your breakup, for one) and certain things you don't want to ask about right away. You'll want to keep the conversation light and casual, fun and cool, and no matter what happens, quick and easy.
There are also certain things you can say during this conversation that will help speed up the process of making your ex want you back. Learn which words and phrases your ex wants to hear from you, and what will help boost the chances of you and your ex getting back together.