Getting Your Ex Back After You've Been Caught Cheating
Cheating is one of the hardest relationship obstacles to get over, and the most difficult to forgive. We've all been cheated on... but what if you were the one who did the cheating? Is it still possible to get back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who dumped you when they found out you slept with someone else?
Trust, love, the future of your relationship... all these things got cast aside by your boyfriend or girlfriend when they found out you were unfaithful.
To get them back, you'll need to walk a very delicate road. You need to earn your ex's forgiveness AND their respect, and getting both of those things is often hard to do. There are many people who firmly believe a relationship just can't survive cheating.
The good news? It certainly can be done. So if you're looking to get your ex back after cheating, the following guide will take you step by step through the reconciliation process.
Step 1: Anger - Allowing The Break Up To Happen
When you get caught cheating, your lover is going to run through a whole array of emotions. At first they'll feel detachment, pushing you away from them. Don't try to hug or console your boyfriend or girlfriend at this point, because they don't want it.
The next thing that will happen? Your partner will display anger and rage. He or she will scream and yell and ask how you could've done such a thing, and they might even direct some of their anger at the other person you cheated on them with.
At this point you need to let your lover be mad at you. Allow your boyfriend or girlfriend to get most of their anger over the cheating out of their system.
Don't fight them, tell them things will be okay, try to belittle your infidelity, or otherwise work toward making your partner feel better. Right now the best thing to do is to just sit back sorrowfully as a quiet observer.
A guy or girl who gets cheated on has a right to be angry. By allowing them this right, you're not interfering with the overall healing process (anger is a big part of that process). You can't shorten this step up, or avoid it altogether. You have to allow it to happen.
Step 2: Apologize for Cheating and Being Unfaithful
When your boyfriend or girlfriend calms down enough to talk to them, you need to sincerely apologize for being unfaithful. Your apology needs to be genuine and authentic, and you should keep it short and simple. Let your partner know you really feel sorry for what you did, and not just sorry for "the pain you caused them". They doesn't want to hear that... what your now ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to hear right now is that you know what you did was wrong.
Don't make excuses for the cheating, try to defer blame, downplay the situation, or attempt to pin the reasons you cheated on problems within your own relationship. These are the worst things you can do right now, if you eventually want to get back with your ex after cheating.
If you're still not sure what to say to your ex, and you need help in wiping the slate clean, you need to first get him to forgive you before he can forget. Use these clean slate techniques to get yourself started.
Step 3: Give (Semi) Full Disclosure on What Happened
Before your ex can forgive you, he or she is going to explore the full scope of your cheating. In an effort to understand what happened to cause you to be unfaithful, your ex will want to know a long list of things. Specifically, they'll need to know who, what, where, when, why, and how often the infidelity has been going on.
Disclosing all the gory details of your affair is NOT what you want. Moreover, it's not what your girlfriend or boyfriend wants either (although it's what they say they want). Don't let your ex drill you for answers or interrogate you down to every last detail... instead, try to minimize the damage by downplaying the connection - both physical and emotional - that you had with this other person.
This isn't to say you should deny cheating, and you should definitely own up to what you did. But you don't have to tell your ex every single aspect of how it went down, or disclose every single time the two of you met up. By editing the affair slightly, you're still fully admitting to what you did, but at the same time you're sparing some of your ex's feelings and keeping your ex from drawing too vivid a picture in his or her mind.
If it's totally over and you want your ex back? Let them know that the whole affair sucked. Let them know that it was only one or two times. Let them know that the second it happened... you knew right away it was a HUGE mistake, and that you felt intensely guilty for it, and that you love your partner very much. These are the things your ex really wants to hear... not how often you met this person or what hotels you hooked up with them at.
Step 4: Walk Away and Give Your Ex Some Time Alone
At this point you need to leave your ex boyfriend or girlfriend alone for a while. They got out the anger, they broke up with you, you answered their questions about what happened (minimally) and you apologized for cheating on them. Basically, you can do no more... so now's the biggest and most important step of all: giving your ex some space.
In learning how to get back with your ex after cheating, one of the biggest lessons involves getting your ex to miss you. While it might be hard to let go of them right now, you need to realize something: your ex is still very mad at you. Hanging around is only going to bring out that anger, giving them a continued outlet to keep punishing you both mentally and emotionally. You've said your peace, you've apologized for being unfaithful... now, if you want your ex back? It's time to let them go.
Don't call your ex. Don't text-message them to say you're sorry, and don't email them, Facebook them, or any of that silly stuff. By leaving his or her life entirely, you're giving your boyfriend or girlfriend a chance to miss you. And yes, he or she WILL miss you. Because think of it this way: your breakup didn't occur due to fighting or falling out of love... your ex still has very strong feelings for you (no matter what he or she says right now out of anger).
Keep in mind that the love your boyfriend or girlfriend once had for you isn't going to go away overnight. And the more you leave your ex alone? The more they'll start to realize that they still need and want you.
Step 5: Reconnecting With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
You cannot and should not talk to your ex until they're ready again. So how will you know when that is? Your ex will give off definite signs and signals that they're interested in pursing a relationship with you again. You need to look for these signs your ex wants you back, so you can be ready to act upon them when they do come along.
If none of these signs are there, you'll need to kick things up a notch. There are ways of making yourself more attractive to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, even after you've cheated on them.
Beyond that, there are ways you can actually get your ex to call you. The methods and techniques used to accomplish this are pretty simple, but you need to be careful in using them. Only once you're sure that their wounds have begun to heal should you be trying to get back in touch with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Winning them back after cheating is all about patience, and you'll need to have some if you want any real chance of success.
How To Get Your Ex To Forgive You After You Cheated
One of the worst feelings in the world is losing someone you really love. But know what's worse? Losing them because of something stupid you did... like cheating on them.
If you've already made this enormous mistake, you'll want to do everything and anything you can in order to win back the love of your ex. The above guidelines are a great start, but they're only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to getting your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend back.
For the most successful and unique approaches to getting someone back after you've been caught cheating, check out the full 4 Step Process on how to bring back the love of your life.
Getting over cheating is tough, but with a positive attitude and the right approach? It can be done. Remember: your relationship can recover from even the most hopeless of all situations, so long as you take the right approach to set things right.