Winning Your Ex Back Step 3: Withdrawal & The No Contact Phase
Alright, so you've accepted the breakup. You made sure your ex knows you're okay with the idea of ending things, and you've made as clean a break as possible in order to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend's respect. So now what?
In all honesty, the toughest part of your entire breakup will be the no contact phase. This is when you'll miss your ex the most; you'll want to call them, email them, text-message them... you'll be literally dying for any form of contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
The problem of course, is that any contact you make with your ex will undo all the hard work you've already put in. Call or text your ex during this crucial time and you're shooting yourself in the foot. Getting them back becomes ten times harder, because your ex already knows he or she has you eating out of the palm of their hand.
How Does Going No Contact Work Toward Getting Your Ex Back?
Most people have difficulty understand how breaking all contact with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend will help to get them back. After all, doesn't out of sight lead to out of mind?
The answer to that is a resounding NO! In fact, it's just the opposite. The more contact or communication you have with an ex, the less that person actually needs to see or hear from you. Which means the harder you push? The further you're pushing your ex away.
Think of it like this: have you ever missed someone really badly? Why exactly was that?
Chances are you missed them because they were gone for a while. Maybe they moved away or went on a trip; in either case, you couldn't wait to see them when they got back because you hadn't seen them in a long time.
Your relationship is a lot like that, even after it's broken. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will miss you a hell of a lot more if you can make yourself as scarce as possible. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' is a statement that truly applies here.
And if you don't think your ex is going to miss you at all (especially after the things they said at the breakup), there's a very good reason why you're dead wrong. It has to do with the timing of the breakup, and the much slower dissolution of your relationship that your partner expected would happen.
You see, your boyfriend or girlfriend expects to lose you gradually... over a longer period of time. This is the standard way of the breakup. Letting you go little by little allows your ex to move on at his or her own pace, while maintaining the security of knowing you're still around. This is why an ex might still call or text you after the breakup, stay Facebook friends with you, or even give you the old "let's be friends" speech even after dumping you.
But even if your ex hasn't made any contact since the break? There's still a very good chance they have feelings for you. Dropping out of their life so abruptly and completely will force those feelings to the surface and get your ex to think about you. Why? Because feelings don't go away overnight, and because your boyfriend or girlfriend will need to fill the void in their life that was created by losing you all at once, rather than little by little.
There are even some ways to accelerate the process of making your ex miss you. Learning these methods can speed up your reconciliation, so make sure to learn what they are.
Why We Always Want The Things We Can't Have
The no-contact rule plays upon basic human psychology. The more we're given access to something, the less we want it. But the moment something is suddenly unavailable or taken away? That's when we need it most of all.
When you've disappeared, vanished, and dropped off their radar, that's when your ex will want you again. And while they may not instantaneously be ready to take you back, they'll at least need to know where you went so quickly... and whether they'll still be able to get you back if they really wanted to.
When you're no longer in touch with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, they start to think the worst possible thoughts. Maybe you're finally done with the relationship? Maybe you don't care as much as they thought? Maybe, just maybe, you've even found somebody else (before they were able to). That new somebody might even be better than them. . . and the idea of this is what hurts most of all.
Without hearing from or seeing you, your ex will always envision the most ego-damaging scenario. They'll see you out, having fun, being successful, and moving on with a life that no longer includes them. It doesn't matter that they're the one who broke up with you: your ex still doesn't want to see you good time without them. They'd rather see you miserable, upset, and broken-hearted; all signs that they made the right decision in cutting you loose.
This is exactly why sorrow, desperation, and depression are all major turnoffs after a breakup. Your ex is never going to take you back due to pity, and you should never try to get them to feel sorry for you in an effort to get them back.
Remember: you must go TOTALLY without contact during this time. You can't call your ex for even the most innocent reason. Forgot something at their house? Too bad. Unless you want to blow your chances at getting back together, you need to forget it and steer clear of any sort of contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend... at least for a while.
What Should You Do While Waiting Out The No Contact Phase?
Don't go confusing no contact with no action. Just because you're not communicating with your ex right now doesn't mean you should sit back and do nothing; as stated earlier, you always need to be proactive whenever attempting to win your ex's heart back.
Laying low and not hearing from your ex is the perfect time to work through some of the major problems in your past relationship. Try to step outside yourself and take a totally honest look at how things are, how you treated your ex, and why they broke up with you. Because later on in the back with ex process, you'll need to sit down and discuss these things before being able to move on.
Understanding How Guys are Different From Girls During a Breakup
Just as there are physical differences between men and women, there are emotional differences as well. It would be foolish to think all breakups can be handled in the same way, because men and women will handle breaking up a lot differently overall.
During the early part of a relationship, men do most of the chasing. They pursue and court women they find desirable, and this continues into the mid portion of the romance.
Once a guy has gained this person as a girlfriend however, they effectively switch roles. In many cases the girl finds herself pursuing the guy's attention, and works to bring the relationship back to the place where the guy was chasing, courting, and constantly flattering her.
To get your ex back, you must recognize these differences and play upon them. Winning back your lover is all about courting them again, and being male or female makes a huge difference in the best approach you should be taking.
Below are two of the most amazing relationship repair guides on the internet today. They're instantly downloadable, and contain TONS of great audio advice.
Best of all, they're gender-specific. Be sure to check them out, because there's a lot of good info:
For Men: The EX2 Girlfriend System
The EX2 Systemcasts aside everything you've currently been doing to win your girlfriend back, and then shows you why it hasn't been working. From there, Matt Huston takes you on a step by step journey through making your ex miss you, want you, and totally need you again.
Techniques taught within the EX2 system are designed to be applied right away, and you can begin using them immediately. If you're looking for fast results with an ex girlfriend, this is one of the best audio guides out there to reversing your breakup.
For Women: Get Him Back Forever
Get Him Back Forever, also known as the 'Ex boyfriend guru' system, is an amazing glance into your ex boyfriend's mind. Learn exactly what he's thinking after the breakup, and how your actions will dictate whether or not he takes you back.
Also learn which reversal techniques are designed to easily make him want you back again, no matter how long it's been since the breakup or how bad things might seem. Matt Huston shows you why there are NO hopeless situations, and how you can and will get back together with your ex boyfriend.
Moving on, let's get to Step 4: How To Make Your Ex Want You Back