Best Things To Say When You Want Your Ex Back
Talking to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is sticky business. If you're apprehensive about this type of post-breakup contact, you'll need to know exactly what to say (and what not to say) when communicating with your ex.
There are many steps to getting an ex back, and they need to be followed in sequence if you want any chance of successfully reversing your breakup. Acceptance, withdrawal, no-contact... these are your best and earliest moves along the path to reconciliation.
But once you do start communicating with your boyfriend or girlfriend again? Everything you say matters a great deal. Choosing your words, your mannerisms, and even your body language is an important part of getting your ex to want you back. Being yourself is a great start, but saying or revealing too much too soon can shatter your ex's opinion of you - and of getting back together again - if you're not very careful.
Before talking to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to set your emotions aside. Clearing your head is the first major step in re-opening the lines of communication. If your mind isn't focused on what you're doing or saying, you'll come off as stuttering, stammering, nervous and even desperate. This puts you in a position of immediate disadvantage, at a time when you most need to come off as strong, confident, and having all your wits about you.
The following is a list of things to say and behaviors to keep in mind when you want your ex back. You'll also learn which things to avoid saying, and what topics should be off limits when it comes to reconnecting after the breakup.
By Happy But Maintain Control
You always want to stay in control while talking to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It can be emotionally overwhelming to finally hear from your ex again, especially if you've spent a long time apart and really miss them. Even so, you can't let your ex realize how much you're sweating them, and trying to reverse the breakup.
You can definitely let your ex know it's great to hear from them. Whether you got your ex to call you (through reversal techniques) or you were the one who initiated contact, there's certainly nothing wrong with being glad to hear their voice. At the same time you don't want to sound overjoyed or enthralled by the fact that your ex is talking to you. If they feel you're spellbound or starstruck, they'll immediately know where you stand.
Don't Tell Your Ex That You've Missed Them
This is the biggest mistake people make when speaking to an ex for the first time after the breakup. Letting your ex know you've been missing them is almost the equivalent of telling them you want them back. Miss them - that's fine, but never let it show just how much.
You can however, tell your ex that you miss 'hanging out' with them. This reduces the statement to a much less emotional level; you're letting your ex know you miss sharing time and events with them. Even if your ex says they miss you, you can respond with this statement.
Allow Your Ex to do Most of the Talking
If the breakup happened a while ago and you've been apart for some time, there will be LOTS of things you'll want to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Keep in mind however, that it's always best to let your ex talk more than you.
By not overwhelming your ex with tales of what you've been up to, you can focus on what your ex says and does. Study their words, and check out their body language. You can't really be listening if you're thinking about what you're going to say next.
Also, by not telling your ex too much about your own situation? You're not revealing enough information that they really want to know. This leaves your ex walking away from the meeting wanting to still know more, which will lead to a second or third meeting and/or conversation.
Be Short, Factual, and Non-Specific
Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will inevitably ask what you've been up to. Ideally, they want to hear that you've been sticking close to home, doing much of nothing (except mourning the breakup), and definitely not seeing anyone new.
The best thing to do here is to be non-committal. Shrug and tell your ex you've been up to "nothing much". Mention a few specific things, especially if they involve going out and having a good time, but don't embellish. Don't give your ex reason to be jealous, but don't give them reason not to be either. If you've been having a great time since the breakup? It's fine to let your ex know. Just don't let them know who you've been having a good time with... you want to let them wonder about that.
Avoid The Subject of Your Past Relationship and/or Breakup
No matter what happens, you do NOT want to talk about your past relationship. Right now you're trying to reconnect with a future goal in mind: getting back with your ex. This means you should be moving forward instead of back, so the subject of your romance is only going to be a sad tale.
Even more important is avoiding the topic of the breakup itself. While there are certainly things left unsaid (on both sides), now's not the time to talk about them. Bringing up the breakup or allowing your ex to talk about it will only lead to resentment and possible blame. Steer the conversation away from here, even if your ex brings it up first.
Remember: your first contact after breaking up should be something you both enjoy. It should be light, casual, and fun. It should also be extremely short, and not drawn out in any way. The quicker you can end the meeting or conversation, the better the chance that your ex will want to call or see you again.
For a more comprehensive list of things you can say when you want your ex back, be sure to check out the pure awesomeness of this free video.